Homeland Security Threat Chart - lurkertech.com
lurkertech.com Homeland Security Threat Chart

Homeland Security Threat Chart

Ever wonder what Homeland Security condition green, blue, yellow, orange, and red really mean?

You can proudly display this chart in your home or workplace in order to help protect yourself from those who hate our freedom:

Homeland Security Terror Threat Chart
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Homeland Security Checkpoint

I originally created the threat chart as part of our Homeland Security Checkpoint at Burning Man 2006:

Officer Bob and Officer Roberta
Officer Bob and Officer Roberta

Our team of highly-trained, meticulously-screened officers was placed strategically across the mouth of a major intersection during the more-than-40,000-person event. We intercepted suspicious-looking persons and, using the latest in American security technology, determined if these subjects were with us—or against us:

Officer Bob and Officer Roberta performing a Body Cavity Check
Officer Bob and Officer Roberta performing a Body Cavity Check

In the image above, we see a subject willingly submitting himself to the Homeland Security Body Cavity Check:

The Body Cavity Check is a minor inconvenience to which we must occasionally place our American citizens. It's just a small price to pay for enduring freedom.

At the checkpoint, we would also confiscate any liquids that subjects were attempting to carry through. Our program also included thorough, random Security Wand scans which—strangely enough—would frequently reveal illegal contraband that the terrorists were hiding in this location:

Officer Bob and Officer Roberta Security Wand scan a subject
Officer Bob and Officer Roberta Security Wand scan a subject

Recent advances in Total Information Awareness and terrorist psycho-profiling have allowed our Department to greatly reduce inconvenience and waiting time for our loyal citizens. For example, at our checkpoint, we were able to immediately wave through any low-risk subjects (e.g. those wearing turbans, those with long scraggly beards, those carrying swords, maces, or other homemade electro-chemical devices) and focus on the real terrorists.

Here, Chief Officer Bob assails a high-risk terrorist suspect (off camera) for failing to vote Republican:

Officer Bob and Chief Officer Bob maintain vigilance
Officer Bob and Chief Officer Bob maintain vigilance

Our checkpoint offered many services to the Burning Man event, incuding the dissemination of critical warnings and information:

If you would like more information about our Homeland Security Checkpoint, you can check the DHS Home Page, or in a pinch you can also check this website or this website under "Homeland Security Checkpoint."

Thanks for your vigilance and your continuing patriotism.

Chris Pirazzi, chris@pirazzi.net

Support This SiteHas this site helped, informed, or amused you? Please support my work and ongoing site improvements in one of these ways:
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Use your credit card or PayPal to donate in support of the site.
get anything from amazon.com
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get my thai dictionary app
Learn Thai with my Talking Thai-English-Thai Dictionary app: iOS, Android, Windows.
get my thai phrasebook app
Experience Thailand richly with my Talking Thai-English-Thai Phrasebook app.
get my chinese phrasebook app
Visit China easily with my Talking Chinese-English-Chinese Phrasebook app.
get thailand fever
I co-authored this bilingual cultural guide to Thai-Western romantic relationships.
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CopyrightAll text and images copyright 1999-2017 Chris Pirazzi unless otherwise indicated.
Support This Site

Has this site helped, informed, or amused you? Please support my work and ongoing site improvements in one of these ways:
donate now   Donate Now
Use your credit card or PayPal to donate in support of the site.
get anything from amazon.com
Use this link to Amazon—you pay the same, I get 4%.
get my thai dictionary app
Learn Thai with my Talking Thai-English-Thai Dictionary app: iOS, Android, Windows.
get my thai phrasebook app
Experience Thailand richly with my Talking Thai-English-Thai Phrasebook app.
get my chinese phrasebook app
Visit China easily with my Talking Chinese-English-Chinese Phrasebook app.
get thailand fever
I co-authored this bilingual cultural guide to Thai-Western romantic relationships.
See Also

You'll probably also like these sites...
buzzword bingo: now with Web 2.0!
Discover the answer to meetings—Tom Davis's buzzword bingo.
corpspeak
Out-BS your boss: generate endless corporate bullshit with corpspeak.
webspeak
Get VC funding: generate spews of meaningless web techno jargon.
bill the borg
Resistance is futile—you will be assimilated. Check out my 1994 image.
free music from MusicWithoutEnd™
IRS, United Airlines, Bank of America launch free online music service.
world's stupidest everything
See some of the worst the world has to offer, and add some of your own!
Copyright

All text and images copyright 1999-2017 Chris Pirazzi unless otherwise indicated.